One 40 years old man was having problems with his father. They were living in same house but had not spoken to each other for last 10 years. He wanted to heal his relationship with his father but everytime the ego came in between. He could not go and talk to his father to resolve things. Once we started discussing every grudge he had, lots of points came out, which he realized later on that this is how his father is designed. He loves is father and that is not enough. All these years he has been trying to change his father which is not possible. If he wants to continue loving his father he has to accept that this is how his father is designed. If he does not want to have his father in his life, it is ok, he can simply walk out instead of taking the burden that I am his son, that is why I am obligated to accept him. Relationships of obligations do not last for very long. Realization of the fact that:
1. This is how his father is designed
2. He needs to accept him instead of expecting him to change
3. Despite of all the problems in him, his father has done a lot for him and he can feel grateful
4. He cannot change his father, he can only love him, if he wants to be with his father
5. It is better to create a loving relationship rather than obligated one
He was able to get over his ego, talk to his father, resolve things . Similarly, a lady who was married for seven years when realized same, (who was about to file for divorce), held back and in her mind accepted her husband the way he is. She stopped taunting him and gave him space to be the way he was. This controlled their fights also and gave way to loving relationship between them.
We all have to be in awareness of the relationships which are important to us. We need to:
Understand the person instead of judging them
Make an effort to accept them internally
Spend time with self and develop a thought process of acceptance ( My mom is like this and she is fine like this rather than why she is like this)
By accepting, we cannot change a person even in years, it is their choice. We can only love them and accept them.
If we want to have happy relationships, we need to create them with love and acceptance. If we would start feeling obligated to be in them, eventually they would become burden.
By Sheetal Jain