They dated for three years and then got married. After 10 years of married life, she wanted a divorce. She said that during last fight I had decided that if we would fight again I will not live with you. He was shocked. He asked her that why didn’t she share with him if she had decided something like this. She said that I have done enough for this relationship and now I am tired of fights. I cannot live in this environment any longer. I married you with so many expectations and it seems like I have to live a compromised life all my life and why should I do that. He tried convincing her but she was unstoppable. Finally he convinced her to meet a marriage counselor once. She agreed!
The marriage counselor asked few things:
1. What are your expectations and had you shared them with your husband? (Generally we assume they are understood but they are not). We grow up in different environment and we have different understanding of relationships. A man who grew up with a housewife mother would assume his wife will take care of all the household tasks. But a woman who grew up with a working mother assumes that her husband would support her at home too.
2. Have we thought that the other person also has expectations and we are unable to meet them too?
3. Who is doing more? Both are doing more than 200%
4. When expectations will not match, there will be frustration and disappointment.
5. When situation will be difficult, we would blame each other.
6. We assume that the other persona has to take care of my all the commitments and relationships but it is not true. Such a burden should not be loaded on either of them. To create and maintain a relationship, it is on two people. If both sides are willing then it would happen otherwise, spouse should not be burdened with that. Moreover, for relationship with others, do not bring sourness in your relationship. That is prime one.
7. How long we can keep doing and the answer is life time.
8. Will it be happy yes it will be, will it be sad and the answer is yes. It will have everything but it is about commitment to be together and sail through everything together.
By Sheetal Jain