Funny Status
Our latest new collection of Funny Status and Funny Quotes.
Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
A woman’s mind is cleaner than a man’s: She changes it more often.
Life is short, smile while you still have teeth.
A failed businessman to his fat wife:
You are my only investment in life that has doubled
Common sense is like deodorant, the people who need it most never use it.
People say you cannot live without love. I think oxygen is more important.
Everybody lies, but it doesn’t matter since nobody listens.
We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.
The world is divided into people who do things–and people who get the credit.
There are no stupid questions, just stupid people.
When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did,
in his sleep — not screaming, like the passengers in his car.
Life’s tragedy is that we get old too soon and wise too late.
A nickel isn’t worth a dime anymore.
Women are scientifically proven to be right even when they are wrong.
As a child my family’s menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.
As I get older, I just prefer to knit.
Be obscure clearly.
Because of their size, parents may be difficult to discipline properly.
Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.
There’s no half-singing in the shower, you’re either a rock star or an opera diva.
I know that you believe you understand what you think I said,
but I’m not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.
I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying.
Love is like a booger. You keep picking at it until you get it, then wonder what to do with it.
It is better to be beautiful than to be good, but it is better to be good than to be ugly.
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
A hard man is good to find.
A man in the house is worth two in the street.
Dogs have Owners, Cats have Staff.
I put all my genius into my life; I put only my talent into my works.
I have met a lot of hardboiled eggs in my time, but you’re twenty minutes.
A friend doesn’t go on a diet because you are fat.
A lot of baby boomers are baby bongers.
Don’t be so humble – you are not that great.
Just because you’re not paranoid doesn’t mean they’re not out to get you.
Punjabi kids get the first shock of their lives in their first history
lesson when they realize that BC actually means Before Christ:
Sorry I’m allergic to bullshit.
Boy: I can’t merry with you. My family not permitting me.
Girl: Who’s in your family?
Boy: My wife and children.
