Funny Quotes of the day

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When my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? I told him everyone knows he doesn’t hire stupid people.

A mind is like a parachute. It doesn’t work if it is not open.

If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldn’t have a job if he was any smarter.

Tell your boss what you really think about him, and the truth shall set you free, from your job.

Yesterday I did nothing and today I’m finishing what I did yesterday.

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Funny Quotes of the day

Working in a team means spending half your time convincing the others that your idea is better than theirs. –

I love my job only when I’m on vacation.

Working in a team means spending half your time convincing the others that your idea is better than theirs.

The best part of going to work is coming back home at the end of the day. –

I love everyone! I love to be around some people, I love to stay away from others, and some I’d just love to punch right in the face!

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Funny Quotes of the day

When somebody tells you nothing is impossible, ask him to dribble a football.

The chicken came first — God would look silly sitting on an egg.

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

A great name for a new country song: If I’d Shot You Sooner, I’d Be Out of Jail by Now.

Lead me not into temptation; I can find the way myself.

As I may or may not say to the Lord on Judgment Day, “You ask a lot of questions for someone who has so much explaining to do.”

A prisoner of war is a man who tries to kill you and fails, and then asks you not to kill him.

Just remember, if the world didn’t suck, we’d all fall off.

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Funny Quotes of the day

Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes.

It’s not that I’m a Type‑B personality. It’s that I’m driven by a passionate, all-consuming desire to take it easy.

How do the angels get to sleep when the devil leaves the porch light on?

Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

A signature always reveals a man’s character — and sometimes even his name.

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Funny Quotes of the day

Resolve is never stronger than in the morning after the night it was never weaker.

Just because you’re not paranoid doesn’t mean they’re not out to get you.

Who says nothing is impossible. I’ve been doing nothing for years.

You know why the French don’t want to bomb Saddam Hussein? Because he hates America, he loves mistresses, and he wears a beret. He is French, people.

A wise saying is something you keep picking up off the floor in front of your fridge.

I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.

She’s the kind of girl who climbed the ladder of success wrong by wrong.

If you cannot answer a man’s argument, all it not lost; you can still call him vile names.

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Funny Quotes of the day

A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.

Say what you will about the Ten Commandments, you must always come back to the pleasant fact that there are only ten of them.

A compromise is an agreement whereby both parties get what neither of them wanted.

A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

A gentleman is a man who can play the accordion but doesn’t.

If all else fails, immortality can always be assured by spectacular error.

Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia.
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

She was what we used to call a suicide blond — dyed by her own hand.

It used to take me all vacation to grow a new hide in place of the one they flogged off me during school term.

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